By Kelli Means
Thank you seems to be the proper response to so many things. Thank you for that wonderful gift, thank you for those kind words, thank you for working hard, thank you for doing your chores, thank you for opening that door for me, thank you to service workers, thank you to a co-worker for supporting you in a project, thank you to your child’s teacher or coach, and so on.
Thank you is a common and an expected phrase, but we don’t often think about the real heart of the phrase beyond just the words we speak or the letter we write.
I grew up in the south, and from a young age it was instilled in me to say please and thank you. A very important etiquette in my family was not only saying thank you but writing a thank you note for any gift or service I received from someone. I can still hear my mom say, “I can’t believe so and so did not write a thank you note.” Looking back, I seemed to be a thankful person. But as I thought about why I wrote those thank you notes, I realized I did it out of a sense of obligation and to look good in the eyes of others. It was more of a duty than a response from my heart.
Which leads me to the question, what is the difference between being thankful and having gratitude?
In our culture saying thank you comes easily, but gratitude seems to come from a deeper place in our hearts. It’s our attitude or perspective in which we look at not only gifts we have received but also our whole lives. Gratitude lasts longer than excitement from a compliment or a gift received. It’s the state of our heart. A heart full of gratitude lasts beyond the good things and into hard and challenging seasons too.
I recently had lunch with a dear friend. I left that time feeling so refreshed and encouraged. As I reflected on why I felt that way, I realized that even with everything going on, she was truly grateful. Her life wasn’t perfect. She and her family have been through job changes, moves, and several new schools for her children, but she had a thankfulness that was beautiful, inviting, and hopeful. Knowing my sweet friend, I know it stemmed from her heart. She became a Christian in her 30’s and the love and forgiveness Jesus gives was transforming for her.
Gratitude goes beyond when life is good and going as planned. This feeling happens in our hearts when life is hard or when things don’t end how we hoped. It acknowledges that God is the Giver of every good and perfect gift, and we are privileged to be recipients of His redeeming and transforming grace. Nancy Demoss Wolgemuth says in her book Choosing Gratitude, “Gratitude is rooted in God’s goodness and grace in our lives.”
Gratitude is more than a southern virtue; it is an important biblical virtue. As I’ve looked in God’s Word, I see how often God commands us to give thanks. Here are a few references: Psalm 100:4, Psalm 106:1, Colossians 3:1, 17, Ephesians 5:20, Philippians 4:6, 2 Corinthians 9:15, 1 Thessalonians 5:18.
Gratitude is not my natural response in difficult circumstances or everyday life. I often seem to want more of something or wish things had worked out differently. Even in this very moment, I am wrestling with ingratitude. I notice it most when I am questioning God’s goodness in my life or my children’s lives.
Ingratitude is in the WHY questions. Why is life hard? Why is life for me or my children not what I planned or dreamed? Why isn’t life easier? Why do I have to trust God? Ingratitude creeps in when I question God’s goodness and grace. When I doubt He is for me, that He loves me, or that He loves my children.
Romans 1:21
“For although they knew they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened.”
Ingratitude steals our joy, changes our perspective, causes us to question God, and keeps our focus on ourselves. It leads us down a path away from God. Ingratitude takes us in the opposite direction of where we are long to go. Gratitude leads us back to the Lord, where we find His perspective, His will, and remember who He is. He is with us in the hard and He is at work. Therefore, we can have grateful hearts.
So, how can we maintain a heart of gratitude?
“If I am not ceaselessly vigilant about rejecting ingratitude and choosing gratitude, I all-too-easily get sucked into the undertow of life in a fallen world.” That undertow leads to ingratitude. And ingratitude leads to weariness. We start to complain, start growing resentful, and begin to dwell in negativity and doubt. The undertow of ingratitude constantly pushes us towards discouragement and anxiety. Gratitude, however, strengthens us in every sense: spiritually, emotionally, mentally, relationally, and even physically. It fosters joy, stability, and peacefulness. But it doesn’t come naturally — gratitude takes effort and intentionality.”
(Choosing Gratitude, Page 16-17)
The best way I can cultivate gratitude in my heart is to be in God’s Word daily, reminding my heart of who He is, how much He loves me, and how he has bestowed His redeeming grace upon me. Another way is taking time to worship Him throughout the day. I recently created a gratitude worship playlist to help focus my heart back on Him. Corporate worship on Sunday mornings is also needed to reset our hearts towards Christ.
Lastly, living in community with others who desire to live out of a grateful heart is so important. Having women who will encourage you when they see you in the undertow of ingratitude and remind you of the goodness and grace of Jesus in your lives is imperative to living with gratitude.
Psalm 100:4
“Enter his gates with thanksgiving, and his courts with praise! Give thanks to him; bless his name!”
I hope this November brings a fresh wind of cultivating you a heart of gratitude that does a transforming work in your life so that you may know the goodness and grace of the Lord more deeply. I hope your gratitude would be a beautiful aroma of Christ in you to your family, neighbors, those you work with and beyond.
