by Deborah Peele
As I was scrolling through Instagram one day, a post from @jessaconnolly caught my eye. She was talking about messy grace. We talk a lot about Amazing Grace (which it is), but I’ve never thought about grace being messy. I really resonated with this nuance of grace as I processed this past year.
This year was filled with grief … of losing one of my best friends to cancer, being overwhelmed by a new job in the midst of it, as well as seeing those close to me lose loved ones as well. Although I am finally coming up for air, my emotions are still raw, my mind is still a bit foggy at times, and my energy and motivation are still not back to what they were.
During this year, I had to rely a lot on the grace of God and others. I could no longer be the strong one who helped everyone else. I was the weak one who needed help … help from family and friends to set up my classroom … help from my coworkers to know what I was doing each day … help from God so that I could get out of bed and show up each day for my coworkers and students. It was a very hard and humbling season. To need others’ grace means that I am struggling, not put together, not at my best. It means I am needy and messy.
Allowing people into the mess is hard, but it is also holy. Allowing God to use these pain points to mold and make me more into the image of Jesus. Allowing people into my pain is showing me what the body of Christ is meant to be.
As Christy Nockels’ podcast states, “There is Glorious in the Mundane.” In the mundane of life-—the work, the dishes, the laundry, the conversations, the grief of a broken world—this is precisely where God wants to meet us. Whether through His Word, His presence, or His people, God shows up in our messy places and makes ordinary spaces holy ones.
To be honest, I was hoping to be “further along” in my grief journey by now. In my mind that meant—not so quick to cry, able to help more, and needing less. Even as I wrestle with this, I am realizing that maybe I am never meant to “have it all together.” Maybe I am not meant to be “the strong one.” Maybe, instead, I am meant to have a posture of humility, leaning into community, and allowing others into my sorrows and my joys. Maybe I am not supposed to “get back” to how life was. Maybe I am meant to find a new normal where I am more dependent on the Lord and others; less independent, isolating myself from others and taking care of “everything” by myself.
I know that God is using this past year to mold my heart to be more compassionate, to be better able to hold space for people, and to mourn with them. I know the humbling I have received is making me more like Jesus, more approachable, more able to be used for His kingdom.
As a community, can we come alongside others who are messy? Can we share our mess with others? Can we care one another’s burdens? Whether it is in discipleship groups or parents from the same classroom or neighbors or friends or family members? Could we be a people that are willing to get messy, walk alongside one another, and carry each other to Jesus?
It is humbling; it is hard; but it is also holy, worthy work.
