By Lindsay Christerson
Trust. Am I a trusting person? I don’t know. I want to be a discerning person. I want to be someone who can identify when something is trust-worthy. But how often do I unreservedly allow someone or something to hold me up. To be something that I put my weight on, that I let go of the reigns and allow that person, that group, institution, that process take control and trust that it will be okay. Or even more than okay, that it would be better than if I never let go of the reigns, that I wouldn’t have done a better job if I had not trusted some “other” with it.
This past month as we have been talking about trusting God alone and the Lord has allowed this area of my life to have a bit more of a spotlight on it—like He graciously does, almost like He is in charge of every single thing—I have noticed that this has been an area of growth for me. I see growth as I look behind me, but I also see so much room for growth ahead.
You see, I am a very independent, self-reliant person. I am not going to ask anyone to do things that I can do myself. I have never operated as if there is a safety net to catch me if I fall, and I really, really don’t want to fall so I’ll just do it all without asking for help so that I can just keep relying on myself and it will all be okay. All these things I am doing—none of them are done perfectly, some of them are not even done well, but they are done, and I didn’t have to trust anyone else to do them for me. I didn’t have to trust.
By our culture’s standards, that doesn’t sound all that bad. Looking at that description, she’d probably be a good employee, good volunteer, good homemaker, good mother. You know where this outlook breaks down? A relationship with God. When you operate as if you don’t need anyone, you can very easily go days, weeks, years without seeking out the Lord in prayer, without relying on the Spirit to guide you through suffering. Honestly you avoid situations where you might have to suffer so that you “don’t need” the Spirit. By making sure you don’t need saving you become your own functional savior. Let me tell you what— I am a terrible savior. I get into a place where nothing is risky, I have nothing to fail at, and no one is close enough to hurt me or let me down, even Jesus.
This pattern is not accidental. It is a limited, human heart’s coping mechanism. This world is hard. People we should be able to trust often show themselves to not be trustworthy. Our imago dei hearts are wounded and afraid by this departure from what you want to expect from important relationships. People you love and who love you should be trustworthy. If they were like God created them to be, they wouldn’t be shady, make unwise decisions, not think how something will affect the people around them, keep secrets, lie, fall to addiction, stubbornly insist on their own way, and act only in their own interest. They wouldn’t sin, or react to other people’s sin in a sinful way.
I can have compassion on my heart in the past because past me was hurt, insecure, didn’t know who I could trust. But God— in His grace—has revealed my sinful reaction to other people’s sin. He gently—not subtly—but with the care of a good and gentle father, has shown me that I have allowed this pattern of coping to carve my graven idol that I think is God, but isn’t Him. It is a lesser version of Him, with the same untrustworthy characteristics I have experienced in His creatures.
But this is the Creator. This is a loving, holy, Father. In whom there is no shadow (1 John 1:5). Who is full of wisdom and mercy (James 3:17, Psalm 116:5). Who has revealed Himself throughout time and at great cost to Himself that I might know Him. Who cannot lie (Hebrews 6:18). Who cannot be controlled (Job 40-41). Whose way is perfect and righteous so of course He will insist on it (Psalm 18:30). Who has since the he created time as been acting on behalf the interest of His people who He loves and laid His life down for (John 3:16).
I can trust Him.
I can trust Him because He is God. He is secure. He is the only being who is truly secure. Secure has many definitions, one of them is: “fixed or fastened so as not to give way, become loose, or be lost.” There is no other person, scenario, group, investment, comfort, pleasure, or pain that can claim that it will not give way. That it will never become loose in any circumstance. That there is no way it will ever be lost. God alone can claim that he is secure.
In His mercy, God has given me difficulties that only He can manage. That I am powerless to handle on my own. He has given me ways and reasons to walk so closely to Him that I am clinging to Him hour by hour. He would give me daily bread to know that this is what He has for me and to trust Him with it. These are hard things. One would call them suffering, but when I think back on some of them that are slightly in the rear-view mirror, I don’t experience the memory as suffering, I remember His nearness. He proved it to me, that I can trust Him. Sometimes I miss it. It was a taste of what dwelling with the Lord will be like, and it is sweet—the sweet by-and-by.
When this life of sorrows inevitably brings sorrow, I can choose to trust Him or run from Him. Running from him might mean avoiding the sorrow or avoid feeling it, but when I trust Him, and stay in it with Him, I get more of Him. He gives me more of Himself. And He is everything. Like a gentle Father He doesn’t just demand that I trust Him blindly because He made me—though He has every right to. He promised me I can trust Him because of His character, who He is, what He has done, and what He will do. I am secure trusting Him because He has told me who He is in His word, because He has fulfilled every promise, and because He will keep me until I can be fully with Him forevermore.
